I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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