I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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