Jerry, you need to find god
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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