And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
