awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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