im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
