Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
