STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
