HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
