Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
