Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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