I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
