no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
