my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
