Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
