apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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