Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
