Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
