Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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