I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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