What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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