Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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