I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
