It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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