dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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