i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
do herpes really smell.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
