I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
