Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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