I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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