We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
