Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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