have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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