New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
