i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
