Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
