And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
smell my finger.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
