He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We need to get me chipped asap
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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