i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
