brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
