I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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