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matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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