i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
