he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
