Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
