It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
