I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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