I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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