Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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