i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
