We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What changed your mind?
Being sober
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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