she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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