some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
