dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
